The Internet’s original goal wasn’t to be a social space. However, users quickly developed online relationships. From BBS (Bulletin Board Systems), where people could only communicate through text, to MUDs and MOOs, to chatrooms and Usenet groups, the Internet has provided spaces for humans to connect meaningfully. But how do relationships that are born online become real?
How successful are online relationships?
In modern times, the Internet has become a popular space for couples to meet. In Australia, Spain, and the UK, 9% of married couples met online, including individuals between the ages of 26 and 55.
Interestingly, these people would unlikely have met otherwise: the Internet opens people up to more diversity in their choice of partner, introducing individuals from different parts of the world, greater age gaps or education, but with more common interests.
The most popular places for people to connect online are dating sites, chat rooms and online communities. And the more virtual platforms allow users to display images, the more people can develop a sense of affection for each other.
A 2002 study by McKenna et al. demonstrated that people don’t turn to the Internet to hide from real life or form real relationships. Instead, they use it to maintain relationships with family and friends and form new relationships in a relatively non-threatening environment.
The Internet is also helpful for those who have difficulty forging relationships in face-to-face situations due to shyness, social anxity, or lack of social skills.
How do online social relationships work?
From an evolutionary perspective, men seek physically attractive women, while women are more romantically interested in men who have a high socioeconomic status. When we move to the online world, men’s and women’s social profiles reflect this evolutionary perspective: men highlight their wealth, while women emphasize their looks. Moreover, women, more than men, lie about their looks, maybe showing outdated or edited photographs.
However, relationships become more intimate with time. They start with caution, discussing superficial topics, checking for signs of reciprocity. As they progress, people feel safer and self-disclose more profound aspects about themselves, moving to the core traits of their personality. Relationships that develop online tend to get deeper faster than face-to-face.
Another aspect of online relationships is that, with the advent of dating sites, people promote themselves as commodities, highlighting what they can offer and compensating with other desirable qualities when they feel their worth is unbalanced compared to their person of interest. Another effect of online dating is that newer generations no longer have traditional dating as a skill.
The disinhibition effect
People interact and relate online differently than in real life. In some spaces, individuals are more prone to open up about aspects of themselves that they wouldn’t disclose in person. This is known as ’The disinhibition effect’. This fosters personal empowerment, control, self-confidence, and improved feelings.
However, there are virtual environments where people are ruder, more critical, angry or threatening than they typically are face-to-face: this ‘toxic disinhibition’ fosters cyberharassment and other harmful online behaviours.
Hyperpersonal communication
In online relationships, the receiving individual often tends to idealize their partner because the message they receive enhances their similarities. The sending party can exploit technology to selectively self-represent with the most socially desirable traits to the other. Once the communication cycle begins, it enters a loop where exaggerated expectations are confirmed and reciprocated through mutual interaction. This results in more intimate communication in the early stages of communication than in face-to-face interactions.
Relationships that develop in virtual worlds
Virtual worlds are becoming increasingly popular, especially among gamer communities. Some of the most popular are World of Warcraft, Final Fantasy, The Elder Scrolls Online, and many others.
In these virtual environments, people worldwide can interact, form parties, trade, and compete in real time. Players assume the role of a character (often customizable) and progress by completing quests, defeating enemies, and levelling up. The social element in these games is one of their most attractive features. Indeed, some of these worlds are becoming more adult-oriented.
Here, users develop long-lasting, loyal friendships and relationships they perceive as real. In 2018, Steven Spielberg directed a movie that well represents this phenomenon: Ready Player One, based on Ernest Cline’s novel of the same name.
Relationships on social media networks
In the beginning, there was Friendster, followed by MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn, and many others. Today, Facebook is the largest SNS (Social Network Site) in the world, and its users are known to spend more time reading than actually producing content.
Among the many research studies conducted on Facebook, a series of studies undertaken by Ellison, Steinfield, and Lampe between 2007 and 2011 stand out. These papers report that Facebook usage might benefit users with low self-esteem and life satisfaction. Several other studies indicate that Facebook fosters jealousy and other adverse effects.
- "Facebook jealousy," also known as social media-induced jealousy, is a phenomenon where individuals experience feelings of envy or jealousy due to the content they see on Facebook or other social media platforms. This can arise from comparing oneself to others, particularly when observing the achievements, relationships, or lifestyles of friends and acquaintances.
Meeting face-to-face, at last
The Internet and its social spaces will continue to grow and evolve with technology. However, many online users will eventually want to meet face-to-face. Before they do that, they will probably switch between different virtual spaces, explore their different online identities, and get acquainted with the multi-faceted aspects of their personalities.
Psychologists are studying the differences between meeting people face-to-face and meeting them anonymously. However, this binary distinction might not apply anymore. While technology is increasingly part of our daily lives, our online identities increasingly reflect who we are.
Will we all be reunited at last?